on my own

since chinese new year just passed a few days ago, one interesting fact i learned about my sign, the horse, was that people born under this sign are very independent. yet they need people to be constantly about them.

i believe this is true. specially now that i'm working, almost living on my own and approaching the 3-0 mark in a couple of years *yikes*. i like doing my own thing. if my mom would let me i can probably live by myself. i'd survive. i believe that i'm not the clingy type of person too, who need to attach themselves too much to other people that their life would completely revolve around them. but i like having people around, to talk to, relate to and listen to. i couldn't be a loner. No. i thrive on communicating with people.

kaya lang what's negative about this kind of attitude, being independent is that people tend to think that youre strong and can do almost anything. like for example this thing between me, my mom and my siblings. my mom since she is inthe US has left all the responsibilities of the family with me, overseeing the house, taking tabs on our financial stuff, and looking after my sisters. it's alright actually that she finds me resposnsible enough but sometimes i want to say "mom i have a life too." and what i hate most is that my elder sister seems to be needing a lot of looking after instead of the other way around. and she's married with kids at that. it irks me most of the time, sige na nga hindi lang most, all of the time.

so lately with the independence and freedom that i have now, i tune out some of the people in my life. and developed this 'things will take care of themselves eventually' attitude. which is sometimes bad i know. but its just that i feel that i have 'taken care' of things since i dont know when, even when my mom was here i felt that i was taking care of her. And according to my other sign which is cancer, the crab likes taking care of the home, people, nurturing others. maybe that's why i'm still putting up with all these. though its taking a toll on me.

i want someone else to do the looking after.
and for someone to look after me instead.