getting dramatic for the nth time

i have a lot of things on my mind lately. work. my cellphone's on the brink. my sister. my relationship with my grandparents. my friends. my heart.

im on an emotional overload again. damn these mood swings. why cant i just be permanently on smiley mode? my glass is filled to the brim.

and oh yeah that one thing. its a thought that's haunting me. i'm hoping nothing ground breaking happens. no it absolutely can't...

flower girls

just got back from the Qpids press con. it was virtually valentine's day at the 13th floor with cut out hearts pasted on the wall, red couches and pink cupid teddy bears (sort of brings back the horror of my valentine's haha). anyway as usual when the commotion of the whole thing sort of died down, my picture crazy self went firing away...


flower girl! jasmine trias? im waaay cuter -- kapal.

and of course my friends also got into the whole gig...


me with flower beauties, dan, portia and gidget.

the roses on the tables, especially on ours were so pretty i wanted to take em home...


too bad. they wouldn't let me take it home, vase and all...

hay which brings me back to my yucky valentine's day. no one has sent me flowers on that special day. actually no one has sent me flowers ever. pathetic me. *lol* buti pa yung mods naalala ako nung birthday ko last year.

pero that still doesn't count wahahaha...

sweet fantasy

marnel got me into the mariah carey mood last friday. i never really thought guys would play her on their stereos. hehe...the lss lasted til sunday pm.

I'm in heaven
With my boyfriend
My laughing boyfriend
There's no beginning and there is no end
Feels like I'm dreaming but I'm not sleeping
Sweet fantasy
Sweet fantasy

was friday real? or just my sweet fantasy? :)

pleasant surprise

i'm now wary about PMs (private messages). As if i've learned my lesson. Haha. My Pex friends can relate to this. Because more often than not PMs have gotten me into boy trouble. *lol*

anyways i have an original nick at the forums. i still use that from time to time but the nick doesn't get any PMs at all. and then suddenly i do get one. guys use lines all the time and me being a sucker for cute lines answer back. we've been text pals for 3 days now and just yesterday i learn that his sister works for ABS.

what's hilarious about the said fact was i KNOW his sister. small world ain't it. i can just imagine the look on his face when he read my text message. i was rolling on the floor laughing myself (well ok not really, but i was smiling like crazy!). i don't know if can look his sister in the eye when i see her haha...but of course everything must be kept top secret. we wouldn't want his sis to know we've been doing outrageous stuff on the net.

that would be like not too cool. *lol*

down

my energy feels so low. i dunno if it has got to do with the fact i was here at the office as early as 8 am to finish a deadline. and a super deadline it was. as soon as i hit the send button in my email i get a text from you know who, looking for my article. now i feel so sleepy.

and misty.

while cutting up news clips, i've also come into another hard realization. and what big thing is that? im gonna keep it to myself muna. masyado atang masakit.

i think im gonna lie down for a while.

family reunion

i haven't been to one for some time now. since i've grown up with my mother's side of the family, i think i have adopted one of their traits, not relating too much to our other relatives, haha if you can call it that.

anyway, the reason we (my sisters and i) went to one because my paternal grandparents just came back to manila from the states a few days ago. they haven't stepped on PH soil since like 10 years ago. and the thing why going to see them is such a biggie is because i was going to see my father as well.

my father and my mom has been separated since i was in the 4th grade. the last time i saw him was i think grade 5. he wasn't much of a dad to me or my sisters. he made a lot of promises but broken each and one of them. by the time i was in highschool i was resigned to the fact that i don't have a father anymore. my mom, aunts, uncle and grandma did a pretty good job on me and my sisters. or so i say. :) though medyo sablay kay ate i think we're a pretty OK bunch of kids.

sooo...i saw him again after 15 years. it was the oddest and most awkward moment in my life. he didn't look like the father i last saw in elementary. he looked old. and as my younger sister put it, he looked sad. sad in a way like he lost his shine, his debonaire image. to say it bluntly, pardon me, he looked pathetic. my other aunts say my grandparents still support him. he also takes care of my lola's businesses here. yet he doesn't have anything to show for it.

i didn't know what to say, what to feel. i think i just uttered one word sentences to him. or mostly "ok lang." it felt like i was talking to a stranger. when he would walk by i would whisper to my sister "look busy!" so he wouldn't stop and chat with us. most probably what i felt was disappointment. he was the same irresponsible father we had years ago. or maybe even worse. he was proudly saying to anyone who would listen that we were his daughters. i had to laugh. here he was so beaming with pride about who we were, what we have accomplished yet he didn't have anything to do with it at all. not one single bit. shouldn't he be more, i dunno ashamed of himself?

i have to give my grandparents a tour of the station one of these days. and i'm pretty sure he'll be tagging along with them. and i'm absolutely dreading the moment. even though he's my flesh and blood, i don't think i'm his daughter any more.

am i evil for thinking this way?

being bored --again!

i was assigned to the Star Studio-Star Magic Catalog shoot last night. i was to assist project head/photographer david fabros with whatever needs he had. fortunately or unfortunately, andun lahat ng roadmanagers ng artists -- leslie, darwin and jing. so with 3 of us there plus sheila from ABS-CBN publishing there was no point of me being there hehehe...

well anyway, while we were lounging around the dressing room darwin suddenly takes on "parlorista" mode and starts doing my hair as if there's a hair styling competition...


the styles...from vamp to fast food chain model and korean pop star hwehwehwe...

the last frame was the before look. *lol* what did i tell you? we talent center people are a crazy bunch. :)

went home 1 am na...zzz...

ps. wore my green sabrina bench shirt. the scar was there for all to see. ;)

Friends

i just love this picture of ours. we look like the cast of the show "Friends". who's rachel? who's ross? *lol* i'd like to be phoebe but then again i wouldn't want to be that dense. Haha. i most certainly don't want to be joey. :)



for more pics of my not so old adventures go here.

can you help moi?

my back itches grr...i need volunteer back scratchers!



WANTED: Volunteer Back Scratchers (code-VBS)
REQUIREMENTS: No aversion to blood or stitches. Doesn't have long finger nails. can scratch on command. gentle scratcher preferred because of bruises. the heavy handed need not apply.
COMPENSATION: You scratch my back, i'll scratch yours.

applicants just leave you contact details in the comments section.

*lol*

some of my online friends say i'm somehow different. that they injected me with something at the hospital and i'm not the old me. are there any differences? hmm... oh well maybe it has something to do with my back needing to be scratched furiously yet with care hehehe...

i have returned

guess what? im already back working. and its a sunday.

my back still hurts. i think it's still bruised. i didn't think it would be that bloody. but it was. i can't even move my arms freely. can't even brush my bangs from my face. and when i sleep i feel like i'm not really rested. i only sleep in one position and that position sort of locks my lower back.

ang hirap maging isang invalid *lol* and what's funny is that my doctor was concerned that i couldn't wear low necked blouses and stuff that's why he made the incision a little lower. haha...i wasn't even thinking about that. i can live with it.

wanna see my scar? *wink*

more sighs

i almost forgot it was a wednesday yesterday. and it was my 9th wednesday visiting baclaran church. i made that promise the day i got my heart broken into a million pieces.

i left the office at 11pm. an hour to go before the day ends. for the first time after so many years i was forced to ride an ordinary bus to baclaran. it didnt matter to me that i have mahangin ba sa labas hair or that i'll be sitting next to suspicious looking characters basta i have to get there before the clock strikes 12. feeling cinderella. *lol* i made a promise and promises are meant to be kept specially if you are talking about giving your word to GOD.

i got there 1145. photofinish! There were a lot of people and i realized that it was the first wednesday of the month. plus they were having a vigil for the pope. while i was there kneeling, i just felt this heaviness in my heart again and tears started to swell from the corners of my eyes. i was blinking furiously. it was embarassing to cry in front of so many people. i dunno why i felt that way. is it the fact that i felt empty? or that ive taken care of myself for the past years that im longing for someone else to do that for me now? what is it that's missing in my life?

thats why sometimes i hate being alone. things echo in my mind. i believe in those moments i don't think, i just feel. im being too sensitive about myself. im trying to put up this damn great wall about me but it keeps falling apart. i dont want to be vulnerable. but the scars on my heart has left me an open target.

im sick and tired of feeling this way. i wish the anaesthesia they will use on me tomorrow numbs me for the rest of the week. hay. tama na nga muna ang lahat ng to...

friends wished the happiness i felt would be lasting, would be true. i wished that too. wishful thinking...

1pm April 8. wish me lots of luck.

sigh

that's all i can say. and if you can convert sigh into a feeling, that's probably what i'm feeling right now.

for the first time i think im regretting something i did.

tagaytay once again

i almost backed out of our 2nd tagaytay trip. i dunno, was feeling lazy i suppose. or making tipid. but i thought what the heck. i'm gonna be busy (kuno) and the april 8th thingy made me think na alright i'll go. and i'm glad i did. as usual it was a laugh trip. 9 kami all in all plus 2 visitors. parang naulit lang yung last time. the only difference was the pool was not as cold as before... kaya feeling ko asa beach ako *lol*


testing the waters. me, chelo, anne and chelo minus anna. we just got there and unahan na sa pool. it was so hot.


me having a dry run for bora. ang kapal ko talaga.


crowded shot. naputol si anne.


ang swerte naman ng batang to...posing with pex royalty, tsk tsk...*lol*


moi and my partner in crime :)


the girls with new 'barkada' ross


me with the paparazzi guys. oist pakierase na yung mga kahindik-hindik kong pics will ya???


night swimming with the girls.complete na coz anna's here!


the guys. na pilit pinapaattend ni chelo ng sayawan. (l-r) luther, nino, ross and francis.


the complete cast. with glen and mel ang mga bagong salta. as usual naaliw rin sila tulad nung former na 2 bisita *lol*

so kelan yung next trip? baguio naman... :)