mga kasabihan

things are getting better and better... ngiti ko hanggang tenga.

but then remember the saying --"pag masyadong masaya may mangyayaring masama after."?

then comes my motto "live in the moment."

tapos close natin ang argument with "bahala na si batman!" and "que sera sera."

whatever will be, will be :)

im in a good mood

surprisingly i'm in a good mood. 2 bad news today and yet masaya ako. he made me frown and yet after a few minutes made me smile.

maybe i'm really losing my marbles.

or maybe i've just accepted the fact that that's the way it is between me and him.

some things you may not know about ME

Thanks to cecille for this getting to know you thingy :)

Five Things You May Not Know About My Time in School
*I was elected class president 3x in HS.
*Our whole section almost got caught cheating in math --3rd year HS. We had to retake the entire exam cause everyone passed and one even got perfect.
*I had a crush on a girl in my freshman year.
*I smoked once in class behind the lockers to prove that i'm not such a goody two shoes.
*I stopped cheating on exams when I became a UP student.


Five Things You May Not Know About the Job/s I Have (or Had)
*I used to work in far away Taguig in FTI. I had to ride yung mga karagkarag na Love Bus everyday for 11 mos.
*I may work in the entertainment industry but most of the time Im the last to know whats the latest!
*Contrary to popular belief, mababa po ang sweldo ko. ABS-CBN employees get paid a lot -- thats an urban legend.
*I tried to be a Talent Coordinator for a talk show 2 years ago. After 3 weeks I quit.
*Im very curious why guys at the office never ever harassed/teased me (except for budoy who harasses every girl here) and they treat me like their kid sister or something. Babae din po ako hahaha

Five Things You May Not Know About My Online Life:
*Im a moderator for a famous *aherm* F4 YG though Im not that active anymore.
*I have an alter ego. Har har.
*I had acquired more dates online than being asked out in real life.
*I am currently obsessed with blogging.
*Some of the closest friends I have now, I met online.

Five Things You May Not Know About Where I Live:
*The end of our street consists of shantys, people who live in carts and kids who run naked around the block. But before that there are houses that have gates over 8 feet high. Go figure.
*You have to have your house key whether you have to go out or go in the apartment bldg. If you are a visitor sneaking out, sorry no can do.
*The parlor at our street corner has very cheap foot spas and pedicures 150 bucks lang all in.
*I call our apartment a box. Because it is one.
*I live with my youngest sister. Independent? Medyo. My mom still pays for the rent.

Five Things You May Not Know About My Home Life:
*I almost do not eat at home.
*Im a good cook. I used to cook a lot but now I only cook when I feel like it.
*In my 26 years of existence I have only acquired my own room when my mom left for the US 2 years ago.
*I always have a pile of clothes waiting to be shoved inside my already full closet.
*I hate doing the laundry but since I love clothes so much I have to.

Five Things You May Not Know that I Desperately Want:
* to have a faithful, romantic, understanding and committed boyfriend
* to travel around the world
* to have smooth and fair complexion like my k-pop idols.
* to have my own car
* to be free from financial worries

Five Embarrassing Fannish Admissions I Have That You May Not Know:
* I went Singapore to watch the MTV Asia Music Awards because Ivy my friend was in love with Vanness and for the sake of our F4 Fan Club (yeah sue me)
* I have spent a year obsessing about F4 even not attending our orgs reunion becuase their concert fell on the same day.
* I have a Sailor Jupiter poster above my bed
* I want to learn Korean so I can sing and understand K-pop.
* I went to the Shangrila Makati just to see Barbie Xu in person. I got her autograph hehehe

Five Things You May Not Know About What I Do in a Typical Day:
*I put on Ponds Whitening Pearl Cream (its not that I want to be whiter, but it makes my skin smoother and it has SPF) every morning before the make-up comes on hehe
*I listen to my K-pop CDs while taking a shower and preparing to go to the office everyday
*I check my blog, email, friendster, YG and PEXaccounts a gazillion times.
*I spend about 30 mins just thinking about what to wear.
*I use a lot of pantene smooth and silky conditioner on mah hair every damn day.

hala...

i just had to take that term from neri (pahiram muna ms. naig) . today was press con day. of course nagpa-beauty ang yours truly. but then again my "vivian kang look" would have served another purpose if my date *aherm* had pushed through. pero dahil may trabaho -- zero. but im happy with my look (ang yabang ko talaga haha)--kulot salot.


they were teasing me gidget was mad cause i was stealing the vivian kang look from her. haha!

but the day didn't end with the press con. nag field trip nanaman kami sa tagaytay. where in the world can you find a bride on her honeymoon asking her friends to join them? *lol* kakaiba talaga tong si ana. so off we go to tagaytay. buti na lang i changed into jeans and my pink converse. it was soooo damn freezing! making me wish for a certain someone...*lol* (wipe off that dreamy smile off your face patricia). hay 4am, im back at my german measle stricken home (yes my sis has it, nginig!). and now here i am late for work! nyehehe...

but i was really taken aback by his text. i even told thess he was nice for 2 days already. makes me wonder. "sana walang iba..." question. who has someone else? well not me. unless my hope torturer gets resurrected.

hala...

the wedding and the gimik

meet my boyfriend...


*lol* i wanted to start this blog entry with something nice, cute and pretty yummy...haha just kidding. wouldn't i want a boyfriend like joseph... he's off limits though, he's too young! pero labs ko si joseph na parang bro ko . pero sayang pa rin tsk tsk... *lol* just playing.

the day started with me again promising to be early but i ended up going to work the usual time. here i am polishing up on the make up while doing the monitoring which by the way i haven't finished yet.



anyway ana's wedding started on a fine friday afternoon. almost walang natira sa office because lahat kami andun. i was the lector for the mass and i was a bit nervous cause i haven't done that gig since i dunno when.

after that at the reception everything went along even better and the wedding we have antcipated for over half the year was done in about 2 hours! whew! ana was so happy. imagine finally getting married after being a couple for 8 years. though ana couldn't stop the water works cause she really misses her parents (they passed away already) and they didn't get to see her get married. pati kami we had to control our tears from spilling over. buti na lang i didn't get the half heart thing na supposedly para sa mga singles (alternative sa bouquet throwing) dahil nakakahiya ang mga pinagawa sa kanila.tapos party party afterwards with jerry stealing the dance floor and us doing an impromtu 'move ya body'.


di talaga namin mapigilan ang hindi magpapicture *lol*


siyempre isa pa ulit with leah naman.

and then comes the gimik. there were 4 of us, leah, nhila thess and i. off to racks el pueblo we go. 1130 pm na nang dumating kami dun. thess and i came to the conclusion na 'lola' na kami when it came to the club/bar scene. shoot we felt really old there. puro mga teens (or feeling teens) from wall to wall. though we danced up a storm (si nhila mabenta sa mga foreigners, 2 ang nakisayaw sa bruha)! there was this form they made us sign up and as i was signing up my name and read the form i really had to laugh. i was the eldest to sign up--me being 26 and the rest ranging from 18-23 lang! *lol* hay. napaglipasan na ata ako talaga ng mga gimik na ganyan. pero masaya. thanks leah for the gimik idea.

but i realized im cool already with just a short caffe mocha at starbucks and good company.

right now i'm in the office slaving away on my monday deadline and craving for an ice monster...

idle mind

i couldn't sleep for 2 nights in a row. thinking. and thinking. when the mind's not preoccupied it dwells on the one thought i really, really don't want to think about. arrrggghh...

im trying to write my press release for monday. but the sadness in my heart is distracting me. ayoko na ng puro lungkot sa buhay. i prayed real hard for HIM to make the sadness and pain go away. i wish i was the same Patty I was before, distracted by my F4 and korean obssession...but then again i wouldn't have grown to who i am now right?

i hope i get distracted at ana's wedding tomorrow and the days after.
sana matuloy na yung Galera namin. i hope i have new rackets and earn more money to go shopping. para makalimutan ko na to.

tama si ivy. i know that this too shall pass.

could have beens

"You don't love me?" I asked.

He had sadness in his eyes, as if ashamed of what I just figured out. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to.

"It's okay... I don't love you either."

We laughed. Feeling silly of what we just said to each other. Instead of the normal 'I love yous' of couples, we said the exact same opposite.

"But we are so right for each other," he said with a hint of desolation in his smile.

"I know, right?" I agreed. "I think for my part, there was just this huge urge for me to take care of you."

He touched my face and kissed my lips.

"But...""It's okay," I interrupted.Silence. He looked at me as though he wanted to hug me. Comfort me. Let me know that I'm going to be okay... Frankly, I am.

"Is there someone else?" I asked finally. I know I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't.

"Well..." He looked down.

"Really?" I jumped up, curious. "Who? The girl from..."

"Uhhhh..."

"Come-on," I punched his arm slightly. "Who is she?"

"I'd rather not talk about her," he said smiling. "What about you? Is there someone else?"I looked down, the smile disappearing slowly.

"No," I said softly. "But there's a dream of someone else..."

I got this from menasha's blog. it sort of reminded me of a conversation i've had a few weeks ago. similar in so many ways. yet the girl in the story was brave enough to ask. or yet she had an inkling. where as i was clueless.

anyway what date is it today? this day could have been something special.

joy told me my entries are always sad. is it? i would also have wanted to post something happy but then again this is what's happening to me.

naka smile naman ako lagi ah... :)

my korean obssession

i admit, talo pa rin ako ni liezle pagdating sa korean showbiz info. the people who i influenced with the korean wave fever, eh mas knowledgeable pa ngayon sa akin. *lol* well that's alright. at least now they are my informers. sana lang matupad ang wish ko to have a korean-english dictionary hehe.

though i have never stopped listening to kpop. or stopped watching arirang tv and korean movies. sassy girl still remains my favorite korean flick of all time and kim jung hwa is still the prettiest korean lass i have ever seen. panalo pa rin ang videos ni lee soo young and jjang nara. i interviewed lee jae jin. super cutie sina jo in sung, cho han sun and the fly to the sky duo. seven blows me away with his dance moves. kim rae won is HOT. korean dramas move me to tears. and masaya friendship kami ni sandara *lol*

my list could go on and on. sabi ko nga sa t.e.c. ang dream ko eh magtransform into a korean by the year 2008 *lol*. lokaret di ba... eto na lang sana ma-achieve ko ang flawless skin nila ( in your dreams patty!).

sige na nga hairdo na lang ni BoA. teehee.


highlights ba yan? yeah i know its not that different from my previous hair color but im happy with the way it looks. :)

sakit sa bulsa at sakit sa puso

ive spent a bit for ana's upcoming wedding. ewan ko nga ba ba't kinacareer namin ang kasal nya. had my hair retouched and added a few highlights...di sya masyadong obvious kasi i dont want an exaggerated hair do naman kaya...basta i'll post a pic of my 'new' hair.

plus i bought new pants, a top and a sort of bolero para sa pang-maton kong braso haha...

pulubi nanaman ako till the next sweldo. tsk tsk gastos nga naman.

and i really like torturing myself. i texted one of the questions i was sooo tempted to ask him before. i know the truth would hurt but still my curiosity got the better of me. *toink* and it did. like a dagger right through my heart (ok ok sige na madrama ako i admit). but masakit talaga kahit papano. well i can't complain. ako ang pinapili (tama ba yun??? *lol*) and i chose this.

live with it ika nga.

a thursday case of boredom

another thursday with nothing to do. hehe... so how do we make ourselves more productive?

1. one of talent center peeps hobbies are making kodak moments. outdoing the previous picture taking pose, smile or number of people compressed into that view finder. ate nenette had her digicam so kodakan ng kodakan.


(foreground fr l-r: gidget, joy, thess, janice. at the back l-r: me, grace and nhila.)

2. eversince jerry bought a car we have been going to crazy roadtrips weekly. well last night was no exception. stuff 8 people into a red honda city, start the engine and the result? a pictorial with the man himself -- ronald mcdonald. syempre yung kumuha crush ata si nhila kaya ayun putol yung ulo ni ronald which was the whole point of the pic. nye...


(l-r: me, ana, thess, nhila, grace and ate nette)

but that's not the end of this story.

after dropping off ate net sa may west ave then ana and thess sa marikina, we had a session of kwentong basta's which led to a drinking sesh at grace's house in muntinlupa. usual road trip na yan hehe, gastos sa gasolina plus sa toll. and sa sobrang kakatawa, ayun si jerry plakda. stranded kami kina gracia. jerry just wouldnt get up so i and nhils had no choice but to get some shut eye na rin. BUT namamahay ako. i didn't sleep a wink. i can hear each and every kaluskos sa bahay nina grace plus yung mga sasakyan sa h-way. ending? i got home 8 am na yahoo...may pasok pa *lol*

oh and by the way strange phone call last night. ako nga ba ang tinatawagan niya? hmmm...

questions

i want to ask a lot of things. but they seem to be stuck in my head. screaming in bold red letters. but when the time comes when i should be asking them i stop. and hold back. so these questions are like running around in my brain getting exercise *lol*

one thing i've noticed is that when it comes to the feelings department i don't talk much. i hate talking on the phone. i don't like putting people on the spot. sabi nga ng isa kong kakilala i write better haha... i think i express myself more with letters on the screen, words on paper. mas nakakapagisip siguro ako.

sana lang the message gets to the reader. some people don't read between the lines. and some people just don't read. period.

almost but not quite?

The "parang kayo, pero hindi" stage. Others call it MU or mutual understanding. Pseudo-relationships. Pseudo-boyfriends. Flings. Almost like a relationship, but not quite. It is a phase where the persons involved are more than friends, but not quite lovers. Puwedeng may verbal agreement, puwedeng wala. One or both of you may have admitted your feelings, possible ding hindi. You just let your gestures do the talking for you. Walang pormal na ligawan na nangyari. Hindi kayo mag-dyowa. Pero sa kilos niyo, sa mga sinasabi niyo, parang kayo, pero hindi.

This kind of "relationship" can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan. It can also happen before a relationship, iyong pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang. Puwede ring hindi puwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo--usually the guy --may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa siya nakikipag-break doon sa girl (sabi niya makikipag-break siya soon pero di naman niya ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi siya nangagaliwa kasi "hindi naman kayo."

This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng "kalaro." Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan. So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan? Iba't ibang dahilan. Puwedeng for fun lang. Puwedeng "buti na iyan kesa wala" or puwede na iyang "pantawid-gutom." Meaning, habang wala pa iyong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian. For those who are not in a serious relationship, they would think that pseudo-relationship is better than no relationship at all. It would be fun, if all you are after for is that "kilig" feeling. Aminado naman ako na once upon a time, may mga pseudo-relationships din ako. No commitments involved. For the simplest reason that they couldn't commit, because they were either committed to someone else, or that they weren't ready to commit.

My rationalization, "okay na iyun, kesa wala." Ang habol ko lang naman, iyong kilig feeling. Iyong merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Iyong merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Iyong kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti na ako dahil alam kong galing sa kanya ang message. Iyong merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, puwede na itong pagtiyagaan. But then I learned that although it was only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions were real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.

Una, you can't ask him to commit. Since it's not really a relationship, you can't demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can't expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos?

Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can't be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can't. Because you're not sure if he'll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all.

Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn't? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls?

Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no "us." Meron lang "you and me," hindi "us." Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain. And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin iyun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in another pseudo-relationship with somebody else. Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you'd end up hurting yourself in the process. Pero puwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Puwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences. But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.

When I was younger and in a pseudo-relationship with an unavailable guy, a friend told me, "Sige, kung ayaw mong magpapigil, bahala ka. Magpakasaya ka. Pero huwag kang iiyak-iyak pagkatapos, dahil tatadyakan kita." Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang "parang kayo pero hindi" stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya. Almost, but not quite.

basta

sya: Ba't mo ba ko like?
ako: i don't know.
sya: i don't know? pwede ba yun? there's a reason why.
ako: hindi ko alam. i just do.

hmmm eh bakit nga ba? *lol*

tick tock

if you wanna really piss me off... make me wait.

lord give me patience.

my soul

pretty accurate if you ask me... haha...

newborn soul
You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance.On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others.You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative.Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you.
Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter.You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything.You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships.Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily.

http://www.blogthings.com/kindsoulquiz.html

one more ouch won't hurt

isa pang aray. rubbing more salt on the wound. hey why the hell not eh? akala ko panalo na ako kahapon talunan pa rin pala. hay. im so sick in the head (and the heart) for subjecting myself to all these...ano nga ba ito? sabi nga ni ivy better than none. erks. sana lang.

may ihihirit sana ako tungkol sa flowers dito. but wag na lang. someone might really kill me if i did. *lol*


Love Stories : Why Do I Love Him?Contributed by babyanne (Edited by blue_kuko) Thursday, September 23, 2004 @ 10:48:31 PM

Why do I love him?Tough question. I don't even know how or where to begin. I'm not sure if I could possibly find the right words to express what or how much I feel for him, let alone explain why I love him. I don't believe the English language has all the words I would need.

Why do I love him?I guess I just do. I love him just because. I love him just because that's the most natural and possible thing to do.I love him.I love him because he's the most incredible, wonderful, amazing and fantastic guy I have ever known in my entire life. I love him because he's sweet, charming, smart, witty, and has a great sense of humor. I love him because he's so cool he's hot.

I love him because he makes me smile. I love him because he makes me laugh. I love him because he makes me happy. I love him because he's the one and only guy who has ever made it through my wall and seen right through my mask. I love him because he accepts the real me, imperfections and all, and still appreciates me for who I am.I love him for being my friend. I love him because I could be whatever I want to be in front of him. I love him because we could talk about anything and everything under the sun.I love him because I feel safe when I am with him. I love him because we are comfortable with each other. I love him for giving me a helping hand when I had to pick myself up, but couldn't. I love him for offering his shoulder for me to lean on to when I had to be strong, but wasn't.

I love him for telling me not to drink too much alcohol, then pretending to be mad at me when I did drink too much. I love him for telling me not to stay up too late at night because it wasn't good for my health. I love him for texting and sending me sweet and mushy messages. I love him for those times when he would call or text me just when I was thinking of calling or texting him, when I was feeling down, or when I was missing him, like he has gone psychic all of a sudden.I love him for the kilig moments we had. I love him for always making me feel better, about myself and life in general. I love him for making me feel special. I love him for making me feel loved. But most of all, I love him for making me feel. I love him for making me realize that I am capable of feeling this way and this much for someone. I love him for making me feel alive.

So, why do I love him?I love him because he's all of these and more. So much more. I love him because he's everything. He's everything...but mine.

isa pang hirit...

he told me his back still hurts. now mine hurts too...

ikaw ba naman magbuhat at magtulak ng mabigat ng naka bakya...

my back's getting worse. i can feel my bones cracking away because of ostheoporosis.

ouch. where's my cane? *lol*

UP-MCO/Barkada reunion

most of us were blockmates when we were freshmen at the CMC in UP. then we met more cool peeps when we became members of the UPMCO. and then we stuck like glue. hehe.

we've been getting together since graduation in '99. tinabla ko nga lang sila last year because of the F4 concert *lol* ok ok so shoot me. but present na ako this time right?


the warm up. dinner at national sports grill at greenbelt. tagal nung namili ng place si gelo. at nauna pa kaming lahat sa kanya.


finally he arrives! after the yummy stuff we're off to gelo's office rooftop for more partying :)


lakas ng trip. we forced nei and jinky to pose beside a video city tarp. pati yung mga dumadaan tawa ng tawa sa amin.


extreme close up! phoebe and kiel's here!


umpisa na ng inuman!!!


ivy wants to try her luck as lawyer/sexy star haha...


mukha daw akong christmas tree ayon kay jan. green lahat pati utak!


getting wasted by the minute...


neli and jinky models the latest in pulutan...fishcrackers!


antok na si helen...pink jacket na ko lamig na kasi!


after 10 seconds wala na ang pizza na to. fortunately mabilis magpicture si jan.


last shot before leaving...syempre i took the pic thats why wala ako :(

it was a fun night...next year ulit guys!

err...

so kinain ko lahat ng sinabi ko. i made up with him. yes joy pwede mo na akong batukan. but things are much clearer now. and im not expecting anything. from him or the other. im just gonna smile, smile and be happy (hindi jollibee hehe). and diet myself to death *lol* ok sige not to death but to a size 27 (kayanin kaya ng powers ko to?)...

sakit pala sa ulo ang mga kalbo mwahahaha...

whats worse is that my home PC is really sick. sana hindi masakit sa bulsa having it fixed.

how i spent the rest of my holidays...

here's how i spent the remaining days of christmas vacation. i tried to be normal for a while but i guess when something bothers you you wont get it out of your head till you solve it. anyway here's a few of the fun times i've had during the break...


jan 29. with gidget at the bubba gump resto in greenbelt. a lot of people were there too, portia, weng, kuya allan, ate monch, lulu and cris, ate love and kuya ed. plus leslie,darwin and the tanggera queen janice :) the lasingan turned into a chikahan and kainan fest.


jan 30. me being silly at the cash and carry in makati. we were waiting for my tito wai and we just couldn't resist trying on the hats there. maganda din dun yung octopus hat na may scary eyes *lol*


my tita adele trying on a chicken hat for size. tinatamad yung chicken kaya laging nahihiga sa side. oh well.


while buying stuff at the robinson's place in ermita we passed by the cinemas and i just couldnt resist patting this dog err moose. whatever. *lol*


jan. 1 at my tito loy's place. im joking around here with my cousins david and philip.


my youngest sister pia and my niece gabby.

now its back to the regular programing.

my hope torturer visited me last night at the apartment. he stared at me with his coffee colored eyes. i couldn't help but stare back but i just had to look away. i was afraid to lose myself in them and fall. well maybe even drown *lol* and my mind is in turmoil again. he always gets me confused. *waaah*