wounded and hurting

i thought i was ok. but im not.

i hate the feeling of being fooled. and not completely knowing why.


im learning lessons in my life. and im learning it the hard way.
i always fall for the wrong kind. and suffer so much pain.

but i only have myself to blame.

foolish games

it was the worst christmas ever.

i had to put on a face to pretend i was all sunshine.

i was right. i was playing another game.
i had a game for my birthday and a special game for christmas...whats in store for valentines huh? ...

my wish for 2005 peace of mind and a happy heart.

the 3 point play

i should quit analyzing. im going nuts. i haven't slept a wink in 2 days. or this could be karma. i dunno. maybe being a player isn't so much fun after all...cause suddenly you think everyone's playing games with you. or is it that i joined the game with the intention of winning yet in the end realizing that you have to earn a few losses, have a couple of fouls and suffer injuries before you feel the taste of victory? kulang kasi sa training. sumabak na lang and immersed myself in the game...

maybe its a curse. *lol*

ay enough of the thinking. maybe ill just give it my best shot.
may cheering squad naman ako at my back... *lol*

love-zero

i was thinking of what to title this entry. and the movie wimbledon and tennis came to mind. love is a game. so i therefore conclude that my score is love-zero. haha magulo.

its really fun to laugh with friends. talking to 'charlotte' is always such a big relief, for i know im not going to be judged, made fun of or scoffed at. and she always finds my 'love stories' hilarious. or i just make them fun enough so as i or them take my 'heart adventures' not so seriously.

but then again just when i thought i was joining the SMP (Samahang Malalamig ang Pasko) for the 26th time, someone takes me seriously. he says im his and he's mine but then again i still have my doubts. why does my heart always doubt so much? im still afraid of getting hurt so i don't give in entirely. charlotte tells me im becoming like a "guy" when it comes to relationships. well experience is the best teacher. and i learn to adapt. so if you, my SO read this please forgive me for not giving my heart fully.

it hurts to fall.

oh today was the talent center christmas party. i got my hello kitty bag yehey! but i didnt win the i-pod. shucks.

pieces of me

i got this from maoui david's blog. it speaks of what im thinking of now. im still hope tortured. but i do believe that he doesn't know that i feel about him this way. and that he's hurting me. im pasting together the broken pieces of me, to be a bit shiny and new somehow. hopefully the cracks don't show much, this girl with a broken smile. oh im watching how to lose a guy in 10 days and kate hudson said this line a while ago..."You can't lose something you never had..." ouch right through the heart! *lol*

just wanted to share this to you people, though maoui i made a little twist at the end...

im not gonna give in
im not gonna fall
whenever its you who finally calls
this time its over
im keeping my heart
im gonna be strong
and not fall apart
it will get better
ill no longer cry
in a couple of weeks
i wont want to die
i wont go back
ill be able to sleep
it wont hurt so bad
and it wont strike so deep
im convincing myself
find someone new
i wont be alone
BUT i wont be with you...

my t-shirt is on display

my sis and i joined the hello kitty design a tee contest. i wasn't expecting to win or anything. just something to do to flex my creativity in. i haven't done anything artistic for the longest time -- that is if you exclude my writing as something 'artsy'. i think i lost my drawing hand. *sigh*

anyway all the participants got their work on display. so both my sister's and my entry are on display at the hello kitty exhibit at the glorietta 2. its titled "flower girl" and this is what it looks like:



keep an eye out for it. its in one of those thingys that turn... :)

i didnt win anything but its funny-happy seeing it there. :)

hope torture

you definitely learn stuff on TV everyday.

the sappy bunch of us tc girls most of the time stay later than usual to catch lovers in paris when its 'alanganin' for us to go home. the kilig moments usually get the shrieks and giggles -- even the married ladies do this *lol* -- but the one dialog that got me was the one shared by vivian last friday.

hope torture -- 2 people who like each other return the same amount of feelings they have for one another. If the guy gives his love to the girl this much, the girl should also give the same amount of love back. But if the guy or girl does not return the same feelings to his or her partner and does not return a clear signal, what he/she is doing is hope torture. The guy/girl gives hope to the other person, which becomes something that person holds on to.

i am being hope tortured *lol*
jopen says i just analyze things too much.
sabi ko nga!
*toink*

road trip nanaman

went on a crazy road trip to tagaytay the other night. mas natutuloy pa ata madalas yung mga trips na biglaan. haha. was supposedly going to antipolo and hatid lang namin si grace sa bahay nila sa susana. and then nikki makes a call to nhila, which gets us invited to her house sa san pedro and then the dare to tagaytay. thess was so mad at us for leaving her behind. pero it was fun! tawa lang kami ng tawa all the way there. and sarado na halos lahat ng stores when we got there--which was about 2am na! so we ended up going to casino filipino, had a picture taking session sa wide steps nya and giant christmas tree and then filling up on bulalo and tapsi sa isang 24 hour resto/carinderia a few meters from the casino. got home at 5 am na.

sa kakatawa namin kinabag na ata ako. sabi nga ni nikki naku baka sobrang saya natin may kapalit naman to kinabukasan. bullseye. badtrip ako the whole day. and i was sooo sleepy!

hay its already a week since the storm. i already miss him. :) but i dont think he does me. and i feel my heart is gonna get broken into a million tiny pieces once again.

my revenge is bitter sweet

it was hero's birthday celebration at market market today. it was part work, part lakwatsa. but somewhere in the middle of it all, my psyche just went from 90 to 40. it was probably written all over my face since everyone was sort of asking me "why the long face?".

i just realized something about this person. i was so blinded by my enthusiasm that i failed to see what this so called friend really was. and the more i interact with him, the more im hurting myself. he's not worth my time but why cant i just dismiss him?

i told tina revenge was sweet. but i discovered that it leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.

maoui, guys really are just jerks.

quite a storm

what a storm thursday was. strong winds, rain and warm coffee. oh don't forget the good company. you'd start to forget what's happening just outside the glass windows.

its quite exciting clashing with the forces of nature. :)


ps.

and revenge is indeed sweet. 1:1 na kami. *lol* i mean how could he do that to me? feeling!