My poor neglected blog

What the hell happened to blogger while I was gone? LOL. So what's been happening in my life as of late? I've finally taken a summer vacation since summer of 2009, this time with Nicole and the rest of the gang to Potipot, Zambales. I would like to tell you more about it but then I'm still too lazy to write anything longer than 5 paragraphs. Hehe. Everything's documented on Facebook anyways, so there. :)

 Oh and there's this summer love to look forward to. Hopefully this can blossom to an all-season thing, year round. ;)

 Here's a reminder of our Potipot trip, sunburn! Hopefully there are more memories left to make till the remainder of summer 2012.

Maundy Thursday

Told myself I'd clean up the house over the long weekend, starting with defrosting the ref. Cleaned out the moldy and expired stuff. Smelly cheese eeew. LOL. My 'assistant' was very diligent in removing the ice inside the freezer. It looked liked the North Pole. And now it's clean! Yey!

I'm thinking of frying some dumplings, now that I've unearthed them from the ice. Hee hee.

Tomorrow, the broom meets my room. :)

February

Your love
Should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger,
Only to someone who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.

Happy Lemon

Finally had a taste of Happy Lemon. There's always a line outside the store and I'm a bit impatient these days (I'm impatient all the time LOL). So somebody had to buy it for me to be able to experience it.

Met up with Ivy and her hubby Gail and I wish we could do that often. Maybe next time I'd have a partner to double with you guys. (Or not.)

I hope Ivy and I can really visit Hello Kitty in Japan (wish, wish).

An old note

Was deleting old files when I came across this written on notepad. I wonder where else I posted this first. LOL. Just some thoughts on loving/having a relationship.

I love with all honesty. I don't measure who loves who more, it's better to love freely without basing it on some thought that your partner must love you more than you do. I love giving gifts and trinkets even if there is no special occassion. I am opinionated, but I won't force my ideas down your throat. I have learned that men don't mind read and I now speak out when I'm hurt, happy or angry. I easily adapt to and appreciate my partner's interests and hopefully he will not find my own interests weird. I'm not the type of girl who asks for their partner's FB, YM or email passwords, nor do I check his phone messages or call logs. We are individuals after all when we meet and I still believe we are entitled to privacy. I feel strongly that respect and trust is essential to any relationship. I cook and bake, just don't ask me to do general cleaning or the laundry.

But, you never really know what else you can do for love. Mahirap magsalita ng tapos.

More sillyness

Paaarteh!

It's been quite sometime since I partied with my old Star Magic friends. And I'm glad I was able to go to Joy's birthday bash before the start of the PBB season and have my entire social life vanish for four months.

I haven't laughed that hard. Or danced that wild. I couldn't stay till 5Am as Joy wanted the party to end this morning. Grace had to go home ( I was taking the cab home with her) and I actually have to rest my weary head. I wish I can write more of the fun, but my brain again refuses to cooperate at writing something more lengthy than this. Oh well, at least I had a glass of margarita before we left.

Here's a pic of me and Tracy before the wild dancing started. LOL.

Uhh...

How come I'm confused now? It's like someone placed a stop sign in my face and I've put my foot hard on the break pedal , enough for me to almost have my face immortalized on the windshield.

What if I can't go forward? Paano kung hanggang dito na lang?

I realized girls can be equally cruel.

Maybe sleep can make me think clearer. See ya in a few.

On toxic people

I seldom write for myself these days. My words are often used up by work. Words are my tools to survive -- literally and figuratively. However sometimes when I write or speak, my words pierce like an arrow shot from a skilled hunter's bow.

And then at times, I choose to be silent. But then some people take this silence too as something as hurtful.

I am a non-confrontational person. I am stubborn. You can't force me to do something I don't want to do. I deal with problems when I feel it's really affecting my life. I walk away when it's hopeless. I stop fighting when the pain is too much. My mom even said to me that I've become indifferent. I guess it's my way of coping up with things.

I'm generally a peace-loving person. And I respect family, friends, and their truths. I deal with important issues. Not insignificant ones. I try to understand people as much as I can but if I feel you've over-stepped your boundaries, I choose to become passive.

I apologize to those who I have hurt with my words. I never intended to.

Time heals all wounds they say. This might even be water under the bridge in the future. But for now I prefer this distance.

Got this piece of advice from Paulo Coehlo's blogs' comments. Seems appropriate.

Sky

June 27, 2011 at 5:11 pm

I don’t think people who are deeply wounded by another ever really forget. Their trust, their innocence, has been betrayed and leaves a permanent mark.

I think very few, if they are honest with themselves can say that there is a way to return to the Eden of their original innocence before the betrayal, which is what it means to truly forget. A residual impurity remains, a scar on our hearts where the light no longer shines through. Some call it wisdom or consciousness but is it? If we “chalk something up to experience” have we really moved on? Alternatively if we do something to the person that hurt us does it really bring justice?

Perhaps the key is how we allow the experience to affect our “self”. By forgetting or attempting to bring justice do we create a barrier that keeps the soul outside of the self? It is a dangerous place to be…to separate from the source. We feel weak because we can’t feel whole, so we search and connect with false power sources that spread inside us like a virus fueled by stealing the light out of our soul.

As you say in ‘By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept’ once exiled from the promise land, there is no way “to prevent the suffering of someone who wishes to return to paradise before it is time to do so.” And as Carl Jung says, in the ‘Red Book’ “Should I tell you everything that I have seen, experienced, and drunk in? Or do you not want to hear about all the noise of life and the world? But one thing you must know: the one thing I have learned is that one must live this life.”

We live with it because we have no choice. I cannot forget and I will not attempt to bring justice. Who am I to judge right from wrong or attempt to change things from unfolding as they should? Compassion is what I want to feel, for myself, for him, for everyone that takes risks and experiences the pain. Perhaps it is through compassion that I will find my way back to the source and once there, stay connected, give it light, bring light to other dark places inside and outside of my self. That is why I am still here. Nothing else matters except faith and compassion and knowing the truth: that “I must live this life”, that there is no other way.

Summing up August

Soaked at the 30 Seconds to Mars concert

My friend Bambie and I planned to watch the 30 Seconds to Mars concert at the Trinoma months ago, after we booked our The Script tickets last April. However, the tickets were expensive and Bambie was the only one who forged ahead with our plan.

Fast-track to today. Yesterday morning, I settled to listening to the band on Youtube the whole day to make up for not going to the concert. But by 5pm, Bambie texted me and she met this girl in line at the concert venue, who had a spare gold ticket. I was excited but I asked if the girl was selling her ticket, since I didn't have the budget to buy one in the first place. Shocker of my life came next because Annalyn gave me her ticket for free, which she got as a complimentary ticket from her employer. Thank you, thank you!

I rushed to the venue, and I didn't realize we were that close up front. It started to rain. Really hard. And by the time Kwan (the front act) began, we were standing in the down pour for three hours, soaked to the skin. By 9pm, Jared finally appeared on stage with the band. The crowd was ecstatic. Love, love, loved all the songs and how Jared was so gracious to everyone for waiting for 5 freaking hours in the rain.

I only had my lousy phone cam with me and the shots I had of the band were real bad. But the experience was awesome and I can now say I've been to a real concert of an international band, jumped up and down in the mosh pit, with my hair plastered to my face and my clothes dripping wet from the rain, from my cardigan to my underwear. :)

Words from a friend...

To be betrayed is be slapped in the face a hundred times and after which, you still couldn’t believe he could do

such a thing to you!

Why? How could he have done this after all that you’ve been through? These are but few of the questions you ask as you try to understand his reason for hurting you.

You then remember all those years you spent together: all those happy moments, and all those rocky times you were able to overcome. What’s the worth of it all now? All those wasted years you could have spent with someone who could have really loved you.

Wasted. Wasted laughters. Wasted tears. Wasted love.

That’s how badly you felt. And yet, is love ever wasted? Where does love go when it gets sent to the wrong person?

No matter how broken and betrayed you may feel right now, know that love is never wasted. To be able to love another person is to be blessed with an opportunity to know the meaning of life, the real value of our existence. It’s not the one who has loved the wrong person who has truly lost something. It’s to be given authentic love and not receive it that is the greatest misfortune.

It’s unfortunate how many of us fail to recognize the love that is being offered to us. We seek for love but never recognize it when it arrives. We crave for it only to reject it if it doesn’t come in forms we expected it to be.

If we only knew what’s being offered us, we’d have respected it. But we are often not aware of it, and we hurt the ones who really loves us so.

In order to move on, believe that it was never a waste to love. It has enriched you as a person and has equipped you with the capacity to love the right person when he arrives in your life. The one who hurt you may not have intended to cause you pain, but he has yet to grow and learn what love really is so he can recognize it when it comes to bless his life again.

To love is to risk, and to risk is to lose sometimes, to get hurt. But let it not deter you from loving again, from being happy. We can’t always understand everything that happened, but we can accept that not everything is perfect in this life. The people who have hurt you may not have intended to cause you pain. Hurt people hurt people, and more often than not, they hurt themselves most of all. Let God take care of these people. Let God be the one to continue the love you have planted upon their hearts.

Let go of what you can no longer keep. Protect what’s still worth keeping. Believe in love most of all.

Thanks again Joy, for the inspiring words.

More :(

I feel played. Ginago at ginagago mo ba talaga ako?

My birthday cake

Thanks Team Entertainment for the cake as always.

Being Dalja

Today, like one of my favorite Korean drama characters, I turned 33. Maybe I should get a fake boyfriend like Dalja did. Or not.

Everyone asked me what I was doing at the office. What else is there to do anyways, on a Friday work day? Besides, there are a lot of things that needed to be accomplished, might as well spend time wisely.

My birthday will be celebrated again in 2 weeks anyway when I go to Cebu. Thanks to Chelo. Oh and Chel, thanks for the dinner too. It made my birthday somehow special. :)

Chose the Dalja art with an umbrella. It rained buckets today too.

I have a life to live...

‎"If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him. Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."

-Paulo Coelho

Swim...

I'm drowning myself in work. And I'm starting to panic keeping myself afloat. I may have taken on more than I can chew...

Ano ba tong pinagagagawa ko...

The day I first met you

Last year I wrote that he has made me very happy. Now, it's just plain sad.

Changes

Just received good news from a friend. After a major fight with my sister yesterday, I somehow feel there is finally light coming from the end of a dark tunnel.

From my teacher

"The first and third noble truths of Buddhism teaches us that life is suffering and there is a way to end suffering: detachment. As all things must come to an end for a new beginning to take place. And they say the first step to getting somewhere is to decide that you will not stay where you are. I will be leaving my current place wiser and hopefully a better person in order to move forward."

From my Korean language teacher Marian. Inspiring words. Hopefully I can say all of this too. Soon.