Four years

I used to anticipate the 28th. I looked forward to special times. Special moments.

But tomorrow will be different.

For it will be just another ordinary day.

I am not impressed anymore

Guy A, you're losing my interest...

And with your 'statements' lately...

I'm getting a bit bored over here.

Mixed emotions

Talking to a friend about the events that transpired last Saturday has gotten me more confused than ever.

If he's even unsure of THAT thing, what more on his feelings for me...that is what my friend is thinking. I was told not to focus on what Guy A was feeling but instead focus on how I am feeling.

Her opinion struck me. I dunno why it just made sense.

So what am I feeling? I feel numb. And embarrassed. And sad too.

Ang swerte mo Guy A ha, you're taking up a lot of space on my blog lately.

And the plot thickens

In my drunken craziness after my boss' party, I went online at 3AM just to chat with Guy A. And with me a lil bit loosened up, I managed to persuade him to hang out with me Saturday. He told me when we had dinner last Thursday that we might not see each other over the weekend so I was feeling a bit victorious.

Saturday afternoon rolls along and he suddenly texts me he might not be able to make it. So I think, what else is new? I was so tempted to reply just 'ok' but i threw in a sad emoticon just for the heck of it. Well, well, he suddenly calls me up and tells me he was joking and would be dropping by by 4.

Coincidentally, my sister had some friends over and they decided to go to the mall. So when Guy A arrives we were alone in the apartment. Our painting session soon moves to a steamy make out session hahaha. But we stop because he tells me we might be moving a bit too fast. At first I was like 'wha? what's happening' and then I slowly come back to earth. And I realize he was right. And I'm glad we did stop before things got more complicated than it already is.

My realization for today

Oh-kay. To recap, the past three days are indeed quite a challenge to me. Sunday was heavy with all that I learned about my mom and her problems in the US. Monday was the same. And today was draining.

Someone disappoints. Someone turns bratty on me. And Randy asks me how I am doing. What the hell was that? Adding more insult to injury. As Manila told me, "You have no right to ask me how I feel."

And now I feel that sometimes friends, despite the time or distance, are the only people you can really rely on. Not family. Not even boyfriends or boyfriends-to-be.

The rain ruined my Saturday

Me: Anong gusto mo tignan?

Guy A: Ikaw.

Me: Ikaw?

Guy A: Ikaw. *grin*

Guy A was supposed to come over today but because of the strong downpour, we just hung out at the mall, talked over coffee for around three hours. He asked me what else I wanted to do. Well, what is there to do inside the mall?

Then before the rains get any stronger he suggested we go home early. Eh. I still wanted to spend more time with him. But did I speak up? No. I just let him hold and kiss my hand again.

Oh he mentioned na it's good that I'm opening up to him now. So was I too quiet all this time? It's hard to put my guard down with our "situation".

So where is this all going? Still the same old question.

And I so wanted to kiss him. Pfft.