Thursday, June 29, 2006

Missing Home

Haven't been around here lately. Well, work has me occupied once more. Actually it's not work perse but my "extra stuff" to earn "extra lot". I guess I'm eager to get a lot of writing jobs because as of recent there's a huge rift between me and my mom. I dunno there's been some kind of 'thing' that we've been circling around on and I just keep pushing it at the back of my to-do list. And you know me I don't really like getting into confrontations.

Uh you might be wondering what has this got to do with my financial stats... Oh-k. My mom just remarried and she's fixing a lot of papers here and there. Don't ask me the details...Anyway I think my time as the favored daughter is up since she's been talking to my sister a lot (Sometimes I feel that it's all because she has an American fiance who's gonna bring her to the US). All I'm getting are pretty much second hand info from Pia. I'm just a phone call or email away and I just hate to be the last person to know that I AM going to be encountering something BIG.

Since I was young I hate digressing about money stuff. Traumatized probably by my father's irresponsible ways. Then the burden of handling OUR financial stuff more or less made me --- I don't know how to describe it. Materialistic? Thrifty? A money worry wart? I have been keeping home eversince she left and believe me its hard, not just keeping house but keeping everything and everyone together.

Ah, well to continue, I have been informed that we will not be receiving our monthly allowance from her. 'Til further notice. So dear friends don't expect to see me in a few months or so *heh* Seriously, I have wracked my brain for resources other than my freaking slave salary. I'm sour graping too that she can send my older sister money anytime she asks for help. But when its our turn, know what she said? "Malalaki na nga kayo dapat di ko na kayo iniintindi." WTF.

Some of you are lucky. You have a family -- a daddy, a mommy, a dog. A roof on your head to call your own. No one to throw you out...Really sometimes I just feel a bit lost.

I guess the angsty me is still in here after all. This scar's probably deeper than all the other scars that i have. I'm ending it here for now. I can feel the tears welling at the corners of my eyes. It's not good for the eye make-up I put on for 20 minutes this morning.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

i feel your pain....same song we're playin'.....

Quentin said...

well, if you need more people to be there for you when life seem cruel ... don't count on me. lol, joke.

i have the reverse situation. sigh.

'matatanda na kayo. alam niyo na dapat ang tama at mali.'

maybe i just couldn't empathize as to what's going on. sigh oh sigh oh sigh.

ahirunopekkles said...

patty, youre mom remarried? when did this happen?

anyways...im sure di ka matitiis ng mommy mo..but this is also your chance to show your mom that you can do it on your own, without leaning on anybody...trust me, it feels good to be independent! basha! aja!

cherry-flavored ampalaya said...

tutulungan na kita sa money part... meaning I will force you to save your money in the bank! I will cut up your credit cards! I will give you a coin bank for you to start a fund!

tinawjj said...

hay i know how you feel about the money part. even though may work naman ang parents ko it''s not enough really and i need to supplement. di ko na nga nakikita sinusweldo ko. lagpas kalahati di naman sa kin napupunta.

just be strong. kaya natin to.

nga pala sinasabihan din ako ng "matanda ka na, ikaw na magdesisyon sa mga gagawin mo".

tas pag nagdesisyon naman ako for myself bigla ko na lang malalaman nagalit sa desisyon ko.

ano ba talaga ate?

WINTERFIRE said...

patty. everything will work out for the best...just hang on girl. i'm grateful that my parents are partially subsidizing me (free house and food)...but at least you can say you're really independent and your own person.