Strangers

A lot of people have urged me to watch this. Ugh. *tear*

Everything said is true though.

More than 10 hours

I'm just about to leave the office today. I have been here since 9am for a seminar. I just remembered that a while ago when an officemate mentioned on facebook that I have been here like forever today.

Because of our final presentation to the Execom tomorrow (will be facing the gods), we had to finish and polish our team report. And our managing director said, we are the only team chosen to present in Olympus. Pressure right?

Then I still had to finish stuff needed for the site tomorrow. Hence, I'm just about to shut my PC down.

Oh and I have to be here again by 8am. In a spiffy outfit.

The things you do to forget heartbreak.

TTFN.

Well Done

Saturday

Someone asked me out. I said yes. But said no last minute. I can't force it. Maybe I'm not just ready yet.

I still think of you.

Words in my head...

You had my heart and soul, but you paid it with a beating...

Retail therapy

:((

After I lost my ID, my wallet gets stolen this time.

Ang malas ko talaga.

Monday blues

If you want to know how much I love you, try catching raindrops; the ones you catch are how much you love me, and the ones you miss are how much I love you.

Hurting

“Do you know the most surprising thing about heartache? It doesn’t actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart, or a head-on car wreck, it should. When someone you’ve promised to cherish forever says, “I never loved you,” it should kill you instantly. You shouldn’t have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn’t know.

“Sometimes when our friends ask us if we’re okay, we tend to lie, because we know that telling them the whole story is just going to break our heart once more. So we might as well just lie and say we’re fine.”

I don't know

I don't know what I feel right now after seeing you and making a fool out of myself (again). I told Leah I was crazy for doing this. She said it's like a relapse. Binat in Tagalog. Forcing yourself into doing something, thinking it's better or will make you feel better. But in the end, you still feel bad inside, going back into that feverish state wishing you were well.

She asked me how I am feeling. She says she knows how hard it is to make one's self feel better and yet fall apart again. And you're not really helping either. She said I made you feel loved again. And yet you made me feel more unloved.

I didn't even feel like I was with a friend watching a movie. You didn't even ask me how I was. Why I changed my mind. And why I came.

So... I don't know what to feel.

More lessons from Bob Ong

1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka niya."

2."Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

3. "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

4. "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."

5."Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang mga taong malalapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

For a change...

I'm posting something good today. Attended a three-day seminar mandated by my boss. Only three of us from our team were sent plus three other people from two more teams. We had to present something for our division heads at the end of the seminar and despite stressing over it this morning, we were asked to expound on our ideas more and present it to the big bosses. We didn't even get dissed. Weeee! And everyone congratulated us for a job well done. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to put this moment in so when I read back, I'd see even a small happy thought in my entries.

Unlovable

A new friend shared with me this Thai song. Describes just about everything I feel.

UNLOVABLE - MILD

Well, I know that I'm insignificant, and I know I can't be much
However longer, the more hopeless it is
When you never turn to look at me
And though there's never a day you'll be interested
And I know regardless of how long, you might have to leave me


But right now I still have time to let myself search for a good reason
To stop you right now, but I know full well it's hopeless
Even though no matter how much I love you
I know you probably won't be interested
I still dream and I still hope inside my mind that someday you'll have me
But I know it can't be
When you think I'm nothing, but it's okay
I want to ask to have you always in my heart for a long time...


And even though the things I do today might not be able to make you feel good
The things are enough to only bother you
I want to ask you to listen well
To the final lyrics I want to dedicate to you
That I sifted out from my heart and have to give you alone


I don't know how much longer until I can remove you from my heart
Until the good memories can fade away
Until I'll be able to love someone else again...
When you think I'm nothing
But it's okay, as long as I'm still breathing,
I'll love you forever...

Buzz

It startled me. I was editing at work when you buzzed. What was that? Every time you do that, popping out of nowhere with your casual hi-s, I get panicky. Frustrated. I don't know what to do. And you know what I always end up doing?

I cry.

Because it hurts.

Can't you understand that? I want you in my life, but not this way. The way you want it.

I want to get well, heal, move on. But you won't let me.

Comes The Dawn

After awhile you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean possession
and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept
your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of an adult not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have ways of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
burns if you get too much so you plant your
own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn...
with every goodbye, you learn...

Don't You Remember

Rok shared this song with me. She says it reminded her so much of me. T___T

Don't You Remember - Adele
When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?

:((

Every night as I walk past the park in front of our apartment, I could not help but wish to see you sitting there waiting for me.

But I know you won't. It's just wishful thinking.

:(

If you can't have me completely in your life, can you please just let me go?

apart

he waits for her to understand
but she won't understand at all
she waits all night for him to call
but he won't call anymore

he waits to hear her say forgive
but she just drops her pearl black eyes
and prays to hear him say, 'i love you'
but he tells no more lies

he waits for her to symphatize
but she won't symphatize at all
she waits all night to feel his kiss
but always waits alone

he waits to hear her say forget
but she just hangs her head in pain
and prays to hear him say no more
I'll never leave again

how did we get this far apart?
we used to be so close together
how did we get this far apart?
i thought this love would last forever...

I tried...

I baked some cupcakes tonight to try distracting myself.

But then I couldn't help but think how you would like this. I gotta stop :(