I don't know

I don't know what I feel right now after seeing you and making a fool out of myself (again). I told Leah I was crazy for doing this. She said it's like a relapse. Binat in Tagalog. Forcing yourself into doing something, thinking it's better or will make you feel better. But in the end, you still feel bad inside, going back into that feverish state wishing you were well.

She asked me how I am feeling. She says she knows how hard it is to make one's self feel better and yet fall apart again. And you're not really helping either. She said I made you feel loved again. And yet you made me feel more unloved.

I didn't even feel like I was with a friend watching a movie. You didn't even ask me how I was. Why I changed my mind. And why I came.

So... I don't know what to feel.