inside looking out, outside looking in

i attended 2 consecutive christmas parties in the last two days. one at my new office and yesterday at my old beloved department. the title of this entry says it all. i was like a stranger at my new office, an observer, on the inside yet longing to be on the outside, somewhere else. while at the old home i was now an outsider, looking at what used to be when i was on the inside.

sometimes i wonder if i should just stay away from events like that. so as to forget all the bitterness i feel, the 'dapat kasali ako dun' or the 'dapat alam ko yun' statements.

but back in jerry's car, joyride to grace's place, to nhila's then mine, the feeling of belonging comes back, yet somehow different.